In honor of the holiday, I thought I would take some time to address a few issues that commonly occur around this time of the year. Following these principles can add class to anybody’s Christmas, and if followed rigorously, could help stifle some of the holiday’s negative stereotypes.
1. Giving people cookies for a present is a waste of your time and money. Nobody wants even more of a temptation at gaining weight and will probably re-gift your tin of sugary evil. In fact, that’s why you gave those cookies to begin with isn’t it? You are just as guilty at re-gifting…
2. Speaking of re-gifting, a bottle of wine is always an appropriate item to bring to a holiday party. If I don’t drink the bottle once you give it to me, then I can always take it with me to my next event and indulge there. Either way, the present went to good use.
3. Never get sloppy drunk when celebrating with friends and family. Although you may be close with them and feel comfortable, you will now be the laughing stock for the next year at all gatherings. And when preparations begin for the next years party, everyone will have to second guess how much alcohol is actually purchased, questioning “Should we buy tequila this time? Last year it had Barry doing naked somersaults.”
4. If you are the person who purposefully walks out the door wearing a Santa hat and then sports it while shopping around the mall, please take note to leave it at home next year. Trust me, nobody misconceived you to be the actual Santa Clause and wearing it in public only screams “I’m like that crazy Target lady who obsesses over the holidays!”
5. If you decide to put up Christmas lights outside on your house, at least attempt to hang them straight. I could elaborate on this point but feel that enough has been said.
6. Mistletoe has been largely misused for many years. Mainly by creepy men who can’t get a woman to kiss them on their own. News flash: mistletoe isn’t your magic pimp juice. Stop creeping out the ladies.
7. Women: bragging about your expensive holiday attire and sparkly heels is tacky. Especially when they have a larger combined cost than all of the presents you bought your family. However, if those shoes represent your new found friendship with Jimmy Choo then, screw manners and make sure everyone knows that you are fierce and fabulous!
8. Lastly, taking the time to unwrap your presents carefully to preserve the wrapping paper is not making anyone feel more appreciated. Do you honestly have the intentions of reusing the paper because “It’s so beautiful!” ?? Instead, stop being frugal, go out on a limb, and splurge next year by purchasing your own roll. Nothing is more irritating than watching you meticulously unwrap for 5 minutes the gift I spent 20 seconds wrapping.